in love... but miserable?

In love, but miserable? I’m so sorry you feel this way! You should not have to.

If you are lonely, a boyfriend is not the way to cure the problem. In fact, I guarantee that it will only make it worse.

Our culture so often links self-esteem to getting attention from the opposite sex and being “in love”. This is distorted and downright cruel.

If you are lonely, the best way to deal with your loneliness is by reaching out and making friends. Boyfriends are often temporary. Good friends are permanent—they stick with you through your life, and they don’t “break up” with you when they find another friend.

You didn’t mention your family. If you have one, spend time with them. Work to build those relationships and to make them strong. They will be your family for life, so you may as well get along as well as possible.
Do things that get you out of yourself. Find out what talents God gave you and develop them. Reach out in love to others who are lonely—people who are sick, people in nursing homes, and so on. It is amazing what giving a little love can do.

Most important of all, of course, is to develop a relationship with the divine Source of all love—God. Your self-esteem should not come from a boyfriend. It should come from the fact that you are created in the image and likeness of God and that He loved you enough to die for you. That love, dignity and respect you will never get from a mere mortal boyfriend! Remember what God did for you and how much He loves you. Stay in regular contact with Him.

I know all of this may be easier said than done. If you are feeling bad about yourself, and if it doesn’t get better with new friendships and prayer, make a couple of appointment with a good Christian therapist. I honestly believe that good, Christ-based counseling can help everyone at one point or another in his life. There are often deeper emotional reasons for our insecurities and fears. Find out what yours are, expose them to the light and then trust God to help you deal with them.

Until you have done all this, don’t worry about finding a boyfriend. Worry about finding yourself. Then, when it is time, you will be in a much better position to pick a great guy, instead of just taking the first one to come along.

from...
Real Love
by Mary Beth Bonacci