in love... but miserable?

In love, but miserable? I’m so sorry you feel this way! You should not have to.

If you are lonely, a boyfriend is not the way to cure the problem. In fact, I guarantee that it will only make it worse.

Our culture so often links self-esteem to getting attention from the opposite sex and being “in love”. This is distorted and downright cruel.

If you are lonely, the best way to deal with your loneliness is by reaching out and making friends. Boyfriends are often temporary. Good friends are permanent—they stick with you through your life, and they don’t “break up” with you when they find another friend.

You didn’t mention your family. If you have one, spend time with them. Work to build those relationships and to make them strong. They will be your family for life, so you may as well get along as well as possible.
Do things that get you out of yourself. Find out what talents God gave you and develop them. Reach out in love to others who are lonely—people who are sick, people in nursing homes, and so on. It is amazing what giving a little love can do.

Most important of all, of course, is to develop a relationship with the divine Source of all love—God. Your self-esteem should not come from a boyfriend. It should come from the fact that you are created in the image and likeness of God and that He loved you enough to die for you. That love, dignity and respect you will never get from a mere mortal boyfriend! Remember what God did for you and how much He loves you. Stay in regular contact with Him.

I know all of this may be easier said than done. If you are feeling bad about yourself, and if it doesn’t get better with new friendships and prayer, make a couple of appointment with a good Christian therapist. I honestly believe that good, Christ-based counseling can help everyone at one point or another in his life. There are often deeper emotional reasons for our insecurities and fears. Find out what yours are, expose them to the light and then trust God to help you deal with them.

Until you have done all this, don’t worry about finding a boyfriend. Worry about finding yourself. Then, when it is time, you will be in a much better position to pick a great guy, instead of just taking the first one to come along.

from...
Real Love
by Mary Beth Bonacci

is chastity the same thing as abstinence?

Abstinence means that a person is not sexually active. If I heard that a guy was abstinent, that would not tell me much about him. Maybe he is a man with courage and character and is saving himself for his bride. Maybe he just can not find a date. Either way, abstinence is defined as what is not happening to a person’s body—in other words, no sex.

Chastity is different because it is defined by what a person is doing with his or her sexuality. It means having the strength to use your sexuality according to God’s plan, whether you are single or married. Living this virtue purifies your heart, heals your memories, strengthens your will, and glorifies God with your body. For an unmarried person it is sexuality dedicated to hope—saving sex for marriage. An unmarried person who has already had sex can still choose to be chaste by starting over.

For the married and the unmarried it means having reverence for the gift of sex. Chastity is a virtue that defends love from selfishness and frees us from using others as objects. It makes us capable of authentic love. In short, abstinence ends in marriage but chastity holds marriage together.

from...

If You Really Loved Me

by Jason Evert