chastity crash course p.6 // how we fell and got stuck in the ditch

positive and negative purity

Let's start with a short story...

In the early Christian church, several bishops were gathered outside a cathedral in Antioch, when a beautiful prostitute passed by on the street. The bishops looked away to avoid being seduced. Bishop Nonnus, however, stared intently at her, and then said to his fellow bishops, “Did not the wonderful beauty of that woman delight you?” The bishops remained silent. Nonnus insisted, “Indeed it delighted me,” but he wept for her.

When the prostitute saw how the bishop looked at her, she was surprised. No one had ever looked at her with such purity. He was not lusting after her, but rather saw something in her that she did not even see in herself. That simple purity of the bishop’s glance marked the beginning of her conversion to Christ. She soon returned to find him, and today, we know this former prostitute as St. Pelagia.


In St. Pelagia’s story, we see that there is power in the way a woman dresses for a man, but there is also great power in the way a man looks at a woman. Bishop Nonnus was not afraid of being forced to lust at the sight of a prostitute. Rather, her body called him to love her properly—he saw a sister in Christ. He possessed “positive purity”.

How about the other bishops? We can say they had “negative purity”. They were right to avoid the occasion of sin, knowing they may fall, but God ultimately wants to transform our hearts so that we aren’t afraid we will lust every time we see an attractive person. This freedom is what chastity enables us to have. When we see ourselves and others not as objects but as persons to love, that is chastity. It is possible, as St. Pelagia proves.


first original experiences

We mentioned last week that Original Sin destroyed the perfect design God created us with. This is why the bishops were afraid to look at the prostitute. Let’s continue to look at that today. You’ve probably heard a lot about Original Sin, but not much about how Adam and Eve were before that. What were they before they disobeyed God? There is really much to learn from them—what Pope John Paul II calls the “Original Man”.

We looked at the story of creation last time and found how God created us and found us to be “very good” (Gn 1:31). Adam had an intimate relationship with God—they talked and listened to each other. They were friends. Then God gave Adam dominion over the animals, allowing them to name him. He was above all other creations. Why? He is a spiritual being—he was created in the image and likeness of God. The Pope calls this the “Original Solitude” and is a start at knowing our identities.

However, God found something wrong with this solitude. God must’ve noticed how Adam got bored with all the animals parading before him for weeks or months for him to name. So he puts Adam to sleep, and when he woke up, Eve was in front of her! He notices she is the same as he is, though there are differences. She is a person! He decides to be with her and they become “one flesh”. His perfection is realized with someone with him. This is what the Pope calls “Original Unity”. Haven’t we experienced this in our lives as well? Read Sirach 6:14-16.

They then get married. At this point, all’s still pure, and Adam experienced sexual desire in a pure way. Adam saw in Eve the call to commune—to love—her and not to use her. Adam and Eve were naked because they were not afraid of the other using or abusing them. They understood each other and looked out for each other in perfect love. Their intimacy was of perfect safety from each other because of its purity.

At this point also, God gave His first command—“Be fruitful and multiply”. Notice that this comes after being “one” and after having no shame. This is how marriage and the relationship between man and woman were designed. It is pure and is the home of sexual relations. This is “Original Nakedness”. Look at how innocent children are carefree even when they are not clothed, and you’ll see a glimpse of this.

Now, what does the three Original Experiences tell us? We were created to have a relationship with God and with other human beings. We were created to be related, because God is a related being—Father loving the Son, the Son loving the Father, and the Love between them so infinite and real, the Holy Spirit—and we are created in the image and likeness of God. Sounds familiar? By looking at the beginning, we see how we’re meant to be. We see how God took care of man, looked after them and communed with them. How come this isn’t the case today?


Original Sin

The serpent came and told them that she’s missing out on something. Satan wanted them to believe that God was holding out on them, that God didn’t want them to be happy. That is the essence of the Original Sin—man turned away from God, not trusting His love. Adam and Eve wanted to be gods because they wanted to decide for themselves even when God loves completely, not to mention the one who created man out of love. Man lost innocence and purity because he has turned away from God’s perfect design. Original Sin can be called “Original Wound”. It is this wound that we inherited and is the reason why we are not seeing what we discussed so far.

Remember the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers? Try to recall the part when Gollum was arguing with Smeagol about Frodo’s concern for him. That’s what happened during the “fall” when man started to doubt God’s love for us.

In the same way that Smeagol went downhill, we went down as well. We lost trust in God and lost Original Solitude. Adam distrusted Eve for asking him to eat the fruit, and Eve distrusted Adam for not being there for him. We lost Original Unity. We stopped looking out for each other and thus lost Original Nakedness. It all began because we didn’t trust God.


Next in this series...
So man screwed up God’s awesome original plan. How do we fix it? Where can we find freedom and love after this?

the kid mode adult and the Dad // 2012.10.05

I love talking to kids because you get a lot of insights from them. For example, I never knew that cats are children of pigs and chickens, or that apples are actually oranges painted red! If I didn't know better, I'd probably believe them as they tell those things with such confidence and gusto. The way they tell it just makes you think they know what they're talking about.

But of course those are out of this world ideas, and I can imagine them lowering their head out of embarrassment while covering their mouths and giggling once they found out what's actually true.

Ironically, most of us keep our "kid mode" when dealing with God. As His children, we tell Him that we entrust our lives to Him, but when He shows us something we don't agree with, we end up being like toddlers who think we know better.

Fortunately, God is the ultimate Father. Despite our stubborness He promises to be with us. The psalmist assures us that even in darkness God is there to hold our hand and guide us.

What a wonderful assurance that is. The only question is are we going to finally let Him do so? Or are we going to be like rebels who run away upon realizing life isn't how they thought it was instead of receiving God's mercy?

Click here to read this day's readings.

chastity crash course p.5 // a quick "practical" recap

Try to click here (opens a new window) and answer the questions before continuing.

The questions aren’t meant to condemn you when you answer "yes" to them, rather they are wake-up calls that something needs to be worked out. It’s not easy, especially when they seem like hurdles to what makes us feel good, but all things are possible to God (Phil 4:13). When we understand chastity as something that frees us to love the other person the way they ought to be, which is far more beautiful than mere using, we’ll persevere for it.


bruce almighty

Remember that movie? Think about the part when Bruce just wants her fiancé to love her by trying to "magic" her into it (about an hour into the movie). This is not real love as he only wants her because he’ll feel complete with her beside him.

How about the last part when Bruce saw her fiancée praying, and how he decided to give up his personal desires while talking to God (around an hour and 20 minutes into the movie)? That is real love, and what he’s trying to do--giving up to put his fiance in peace--is what chastity is about.


Read what the following people have to say...

C.S. Lewis:
"Lust is a weak, poor, whimpering, whispering thing when compared with that richness and energy of desire which will arise when lust has been killed."

Pope John Paul II:
"Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not intimately participate in it."

1. What do you think of C.S. Lewis’ words?
2. Why can’t we live without love?
3. If any, share stories about people you respect because you see chastity in them. What is so attractive about their lives?

Let us take time to make a quick prayer...

"Lord, as You created us in Your image and likeness, we know that You created us out of love and for love. You created us for a union of love with each other just as You crated us to be together forever with You. Lord, help us to be open to learn, to live and to love like You. Amen."


Next in this series...
What is the difference between positive and negative purity? What does Adam and Eve have to do with chastity?

are you a user or a lover?

This test is part of chastity crash course p.5

Are You A User or An Authentic Lover of Others?

For Guys and Girls:
-Do you spend quality time with his or her family?
-Do you honor the rules that his or her parents set up?
-Are you honest with your family about him or her?
-Do you long to do what is the best for him or her?
-Has the relationship brought you closer to friends, family, and God?
-Could you see yourself possibly marrying him or her?
-Would he or she make a good father or mother?
-Do you go to church with him or her?
-Do you pray for each other?
-If the two of you have already been sexually active, would you stay together if he or she no longer wanted to have sex?
-Do you set clear boundaries about what you won’t do physically?
-Do you avoid situations where you’re likely to go too far?
-If his or her family knew everything about your relationship, would they approve?
-Do you dress and speak modestly to help him or her stay pure??


For Guys:
-When you see an attractive girl, do you automatically imagine doing sexual acts with her?
-When it comes to your speech, are you respectful around girls you want to impress, but you sound like Howard Stern when you’re with the guys?
-Do you look at your girlfriend (or any girl) and try to think of ways to get her to have sex with you?
-Do you ask or hint to your girlfriend that you want to sleep with her, hoping one day she’ll say yes?
-Do you tell your girlfriend you love her, hoping that she will be inclined to be sexually active with you?
-Do you get mad at your girlfriend if she doesn’t want to be physical in any way?
-Do you cheat on your girlfriend?
-Do you gently push her to go further than she wants during times when the two of you are physically intimate?
-Do you think of yourself, or say to others, "I’ll go out with her, but I probably won’t marry her."?
-Do you often think about engaging in sexual acts with girls?
-Do you find yourself trying to spend time alone with girls, rather than spending time together with them in group settings?
-Do you find that you "agree" with your girlfriend to avoid fights so that you can get physically intimate with her?
-Do you look at pornography?
-Do you find that you listen or "put up" with your girlfriend (or any girl) to increase your chances of becoming physically intimate with her?
-Do you want to get out of the relationship if she doesn’t want to get physically intimate with you?
-Do you talk to your friends about what you did or plan on doing sexually with your girlfriend?
-Do you dance in a way with your girlfriend (or any girl) that would make the girl’s dad want to shoot you?


For Girls:
-Have you done sexual acts or compromised your dignity to make a guy more interested in you?
-Do you sometimes give in to a guys sexual advances out of fear of rejection or to avoid arguments?
-Do you sometimes dress immodestly to get attention?
-Do you talk about impure things with your girlfriends?
-Do you flirt with guys when you have no intention of dating them?
-Have you ever flirted with a guy who was dating someone else?
-Have you flirted with another guy while you were dating someone else?
-Do you flirt in a sexual way?
-Do you cheat on your boyfriend?
-Do you settle for being a "friend with benefits", hooking up with no commitment?
-Do you put up with degrading sexual jokes in order to not seem prudish or exaggeratedly proper?
-Do you spread gossip about sexual acts others have done?
-Do you rush into relationships or always say "yes" when someone asks you out?
-Do you fall back into the same sexual mistakes, relationship after relationship?
-Do you justify doing sexual acts because you feel "in love" or "ready"?
-Do you talk about or look at impure images online?
-Do you read materials that have a distorted approach to love and sexuality?
-Do you tolerate your boyfriend looking at pornography?
-Do you stay in unhealthy relationships because you’re afraid of being alone?
-Do you dance or move in a way that invites guys to lust after you?

don't make them shake // 2012.10.04

Click here to read this day's Bible readings.

"We live in a cynical world", Jerry Maguire said in the movie. And that's probably true. A lot of people measure themselves by what they have, or measure an activity by what they'll gain from it, whether material or just to feel good. There may be various versions, but basically a lot of people are asking the same question... "What's in it for me?".

All of a sudden, suicide rates go up. Addictions become rampant, and depressed people start popping like mushrooms. A lot of people don't find meaning in their lives, and a lot believe they'd rather be dead. They may be alive, but in a very real sense, they are already dead. Pope John Paul II got it right when he said we are living in a culture of death!

That's because the world can be cruel to the poor. And because the world can never fill what we all long for, those who look only at the world are really poor, and most of the time end up being cruel to themselves as well. That's when life loses its meaning.

Job was suffering the same thing. When his riches were stripped from him, his friends not only started lowering their hands when asked who are Job's friends, they also went on the offense and berated Job. I can imagine them taunting Job, "Where is your God now? You fool... you worthless man... you suck... you should die!"

But Job knew better... it is not what he had that defined him, but God. And God said He loved him. Job was human and felt sad at times during his struggle, but he never lost sight of God's word. He lost his riches and even his loved ones, but for him, God's word of love is all he needed. He stood on that truth the whole time, and what a strong foundation it was he stood on!

In today's Gospel, Jesus asked His disciples to tell the world that the Kingdom of God is at hand. A lot were scared and rejected that message, thinking that they will lose everything if they do so. If only they knew what they'd gain by stripping themselves of the empty promises of the world.

Job heeded God's love despite his suffering and got his vindication. How about you? God and His disciples are knocking at your door to tell you of His love. Are you going to accept, or are you going to make them shake the dust of their feet, leaving you empty and dead?